The voices of children at play, adults in conversation. Abraham Lincoln high school band marching down the street, as many chant our fight song! The seeds of my seed clapping and dancing taking me back to the days of my youth.
As we paused to allow the kids to join the line for a couple of those pop up jump houses. I pulled bag after bag off my body like I was in one of those weight loss competitions. As I sat them at my feet a familiar feeling of stinging in all my limbs. There was a churning of my stomach. I knew I was headed in the wrong direction. I open and closed my hand that holds my cane. I pulled out a frozen water bottle, The sweat ran down the side as I placed it on my cheeks, then my neck. I opened the lid for a sip. I can feel sensation coming back to my nerves.
As I stood there cooling off watching my grandchildren go to each jump house. God was working on my heart. How blessed I was to be there that day. As I was glancing around I noticed my old pastor at one of the booths. I said to myself, “oh, I will go say hi!” But something else happened. God said, “Tammy I want you to volunteer for them”. “Go ask them if there is anything you can do for them”.
I kept probing, see just a few months prior at church. I signed up for a lot of different needs, but for one reason or another it was not the right fit. I asked God are you sure my Church won’t be mad? He said your not doing it for a church your doing it for me! This I got, but still my human mind did not want to make anyone mad or hurt. So this time I said I will, but i need to know its of you God, I will a be faithful servant. He simply said “you will know”
So in that obedience I walked over and offered my help. Sure enough right away they put me to work on some projects, that wouldn’t you know it. I had not only the skill but because of past jobs I was even able to take it a step further than expected. God gives us gifts, and builds our skills. Glory to God when you can go above and beyond expectations. I finished my first two project’s with pride and in less time than allotted.
Then the devil snuck in, I was on my third project for them and because of the first few, I was so confident that I could do this and again surpass expectations. It’s probably of no surprise that due to self-assurance that I had gained in the first two project’s, this project got away from me.
With some of the top life events; Death,loss of Job, move, new job the weight was pressing on my health. At the end of the day. I would say. “God will understand,” “It’s been a hard day!’ Pretty soon a hard day was a hard week, and then a month, and then a few months.
Now I was faced with having to let the church know and each day that went by that I didn’t tell them Satan used it against me. “It wasn’t God on the street that day, you were just trying to prove you can still work and you can’t!” “They will never ask for your help again!” They are going to report to your church what a let down you are!’” “”Why did you even try?” the messages got worse and worse. The turning clock was my personal tornado of time. I feed my heart, mind, and soul with his truth multiple times a day and the devil still is able to lie to me, oh how I am so thankful that I know this fact. Knowing who”s I am, clarifies where I stand.
My eyes welled up and i just asked why would you ask me to do something, you knew I couldn’t finish. He only said, Your not finished, something about that gave me peace. I would like to say that’s all it took but I had to go to him several times, but he was silent. I am a parent and I get this! I can tell my kids they can do something, but until they do it they won’t know the outcome. A few days later I sent the email and simply said. I am sorry I did not get the project done, would you still like me to do it. With a update on how things were going on the road.
The response was no thank you, things have changed. I will let you know if i get something else for you. Those words I WILL LET YOU KNOW IF I GET SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU. leapt of the page. HOPE.. there it was, there was still hope.
BUT GOD, not even a few hours later a email asking if I could type a elderly published writers, scanned documents into a word format so they can send them to print.
My cup overflows like the flood from my eyes that as a writer (unbenounced to them), I have the honor to type writings from a published author with the amount of history, knowledge, wisdom and within my genre. In no way could I do this project for someone five decades my senior and not glean from him.
God Knew exactly what he was doing on that street on the hot summer day, I however, had a trip in faith. Faith in being asked to serve, one of the hardest things even among christian to do. Every time satan will use whatever foothold he can to keep you from doing God’s work. I want to joyfully jump up with my hand raised high and say Pick me , choose me your good and faithful servant.
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:
1 Peter 4:10 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/1pe.4.10.ESV
