There we stand mother and daughter, in a store for premature babies looking for the outfit that my baby would not come home in, but go home in. Science told us that the baby I was carrying in my womb had a 1 in a million chance of surviving birth.
The California sun was shining through the big store window and I was mad that it could be so beautiful when I felt so dark inside. My thoughts raced with how something I did or did not do had caused this poor baby to be sick. How because I hoped for a little girl, I was being punished.
I wanted to stop time. Keep him safe inside my body. I would just cross my legs!
My mom, Anita had taken leave from her job and flown from the Midwest several times already. Leaving behind not only my father, but my younger sister who was carrying her first child.
A mother who wanted to save her own child from a pain she had experienced just 26 years before with my older sister. An active baby gone silent in the womb due to a rare disease. A emotional bond beyond words.
Like a thief in the night I tried to hide from the light of the sun, but no matter where I turned it was following me. With every movement of my baby there was a tug at my heart. A whisper of Hope. In a swift change in the air my mom turned to me with this small little water Globe in her hands.
I can see her lips and cheeks raise to this day. It was as although she was having that same Wisper of Hope. She said, “ look, it was on the sale rack” and “I’m going to buy it!” She turned the key on the bottom. The tune “Jesus Loves Me” Poured out of the Globe and filled the quiet store.
I looked into her hazel eyes and declared, “This baby is going to make it! I just feel it! The last memory of that day I have is standing in that store with my mom’s arms wrapped around me, as we both wept.
Leading up to this moment I had already had 2 high risk pregnancies. At baby showers there is a common theme to tell about your birthing experience. The idea is to help the new mom, well I am the one that does not tell my stories.
My due date was November 30th, I had already had so many ultrasounds that when the tech went from her normal bubbly personality to quiet, I knew something was up. She left the room and came back with a doctor to inform us that our baby had a rare Renal Defect and we needed to see a neonatal specialist. We did find out that this was only found in males. This is how we found out that we were having our 3rd son.
In our family boy names are hard. My mom is 1 of 5 she is the only girl. My dad 1 of 15 there are only 4 girls. My boy’s dad is 1 of 4 and only 1 girl. This time though we wanted something to glorify a few things. Just the year before I had given my life to the lord, my husband and I had been separated due to some military hardships and against most people’s advice we decided to have a baby and here we were in a storm. I just knew God was asking me to Believe.
(let’s look again how important having faith in the storm is in the first segment__http://reflectivegifts.org/index.php/2019/05/08/blog-series-believe-part-1)
At the first appointment with the neonatologist we found out the name of our sons’ condition. Now days you can google the term. Posterior Urethral Valves. Which basically means there is a blockage. That day the doctor went to a book and scanned a copy of two pages. (not front and back just 2 pages) He told us we didn’t need to go to the Library to try to find more information because this is all there was.
He informed us we were the first case he had, that Just had this condition with nothing else along with it. He informed us that he was a teacher @UCLA and asked if we would allow him to video my ultrasounds and procedure. We said yes.
Then we walked through our options.
- They fly me to a hospital in San Francisco. They perform a form of C-section called Open Fetal Vesicostomy. They open me to get to the baby to perform a surgery on him. They close me up. I stay in the hospital the remainder of the pregnancy. (in 1996 this was high risk for mom and baby) We lived 7 hours away so my children and husband would have been going back and forth for around 15-20 weeks. (I found this awesome success story of this here- https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/service/f/fetal-care/hcp/fetal-vesicostomy
- Abortion – I already knew this was not an option. I had a living baby inside me. Fighting! My oldest son born in 1989 was born a preemie. I was told he would never survive. So soon as they said this option, I said next. (if you have had to make that decision please only allow God to heal your heart)
- The option that we Took** Fetal bladder tap. You probably have heard of an amniocentesis. It is like that. The difference is by ultrasound they look at the baby’s position and the needle goes through my belly. Then also through the baby’s belly to its bladder and drains as much fluid as they can get. Two days before each procedure I would have to do a round of steroids for the baby’s lungs (something I did for both my other pregnancies) After each tap, I would have to be bed ridden. Each time they did this it did have risk of sending me into labor.
When we are in the womb, we are learning many things to start life two of those things are important to survival swallowing and peeing, and it is a recycling pattern.
So as the neonatologist was performing the fetal bladder taps to keep the pressure off the Kidney’s there was something else that was happening. My amniotic sack was getting smaller and the baby was only left with enough fluid around his face. I was 28-30 gestation and we had to schedule delivery for the next day.
On September 18th, 1996 We went in early morning and we tried to induce labor, I had already had some preterm labor contractions and the fact that both my other two children were preterm we felt I would probably be on my way.
The day did not go as planned. I was not ready, but at this point he was no longer safe in the womb. Our plan was not Gods plan.
At 5pm the neonatologist came in for what seemed like the 200th time of the day to check my progress and decided that we were doing a c-section. It would be my only c-section in my 3 kids I gave birth to.
The moment he entered the world, he was whisked away.
When I finally got to meet my son Matthew in the hallway as they wheeled me to my room. I had to get past his VIP escort service. A team that would be taking him by ambulance to another hospital that seemed a planet away.
I found myself looking through another window with shades of the sun. This time, the window was an incubator. The sun colors, were his blonde hair piercing through blood stains and bright warming lights. Weighing 2lb 13oz and 15 ½inch long. He looked much like a glass doll baby I once looked at on my mom’s antique shelf.
Matthew had his first surgery at just 24 hours old. His daddy went to be by his side. The procedure opened his bladder to a hole in his belly.
He was in the NICU for just a little over a month. He came home on monitors and medications. We heard many times through infections that he would not make it through the night. He had his second major surgery at 10 months old. Over the years he has had many surgeries, test, procedures. There were times in his life that we stayed in the hospital more then we seen our own beds.
Science told us every year of his young life “This would be the year he would need a Kidney transplant” Then they said it would be when he became a teen his body would gain mass and his kidneys would have great stress. He has proven them wrong each time! He lives with Chronic Kidney Disease to this Day. Does he have to make scarifies, yes! Does he have to think about what he puts in his body, yes! To look at him you can not tell.
We named him Matthew, because it means gift from God. We didn’t realize that the GIFT that Matthew was bringing us was a story of faith. We knew that when we named him that we were being asked to Believe he would live.
This Saturday Matthew is Graduating from college with a Psychology Degree, we don’t know what the rest of his story looks like.
But God Whispers, look at the Window you watch from today. What Do you Believe?
you can find the preview for this blog series here http://reflectivegifts.org/index.php/2019/05/07/believe/
Part 1 of Believe Series http://reflectivegifts.org/index.php/2019/05/08/blog-series-believe-part-1/
Part 3 Of Believe Series http://reflectivegifts.org/index.php/2019/05/12/blog-series-part-3-believe-mothers-day/
