I feel a tug deep in my Soul as My heart starts to race, my face starts to flush, and my palms start to sweat. Why? I love doing this thing I am being called to do! The time I spend doing it, the research, the Finished project. Oh the finished project!!!
Yet I keep setting it down. Laying it to the side.
That is where I find myself today. See since I was a little girl I had dreams, not the kind of dreams where you watched a movie and then found yourself in that movie. Not that I haven’t had those kind of dreams, but it has taken me a long time to discern between different kinds of dreams.
These dreams can be about myself, a family member or even someone I have yet to meet. As most parents do to protect their children mine would tell me it was my imagination. If I was having a nightmare it was easily stated it was from the Devil. I would like to pause her for a moment on how easy we say the Devil can use our dreams to scare us , but refuse to believe that God would use a dream to reach us.
My Dreams are of real life events. Touch, sight, smell, sound and taste are all in tact. The one thing that always seems strongest though is emotions. (which you will see described later).
The dream can be hard, “a death of a loved one”. Things that are blessings, “a baby announcement is soon to happen”. Things that are down right scary, “a crowd of people in pain at a concert”. I plan on sharing some of these dreams that I have Journaled that came to pass in future blogs.
Some do not make sense, while others will have clarity within days. There are those few that when the meaning becomes clear all I can do is hit my knees and ask God why me?
The issue with a dream is you do not know what to do with the information. You intercede and pray! You check in on the person if its feasible. (Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 NIV)
When I had my first child and he began to talk he told of not only dreams, but visions. His description of these dreams and visions was elaborate for his very young age. I held this secret and yet I was questioning him. I have entrusted my dreams to a very elite group of people over time. Now that he is an adult and a God fearing man we can seek truth in scripture and pray for each other for clarity.
Before I go any further, I do want to take this time and say. I did not want to freely give this information. Yet here I am. So how did I get here? It seems anytime God lays this topic on my heart to share and I don’t follow through. I am stopped dead in my tracks. It looks different each time. Sometimes it can be that my health will have me laid up for days. One time our semi broke down and we were stuck for twenty four hours. Today we were stuck on a shut down interstate due to a winter storm in the middle of spring! Seriously were is spring already?!
My husband Adam looked at me and said. “You know we will never start moving if you don’t start writing!”
I would like to say I sat right down and started sharing my heart, yet fatigue from a medical treatment I am going through had me calling for the sleeper. Again, a story for another time. A nap it was. Yet there in my nap I was met with a familiar sight a
DREAM.
At first I played the part of the troubled teen. I was causing trouble in school trying to get attention. We were in a auditorium/Gym. It reminded me a little of what we call the Roundhouse at my old high school but smaller.
The halls were different, the colors were different it wasn’t my school. Yet as I was this “person” it was my school. I know this is hard to understand but stay with me. As she/I was in a PE class “WE” didn’t have enough space and moved to another place in the room. I would say the class was so full the students were on top of each other.
As “we” did this the teacher charged us and yelled at “us”. We walked away not crying but the stuffed down feeling of all the emotions came to surface it was like I could see a review of her life. You know like they say happens right before you die. She was a foster child, she felt left out, never having “SPACE’ of her own. Prom was coming up. She wanted to do this Fitness class, Walk or get fit was the feeling I had for Prom. The view I had of her she wasn’t over weigtht, she actually was pretty thin. her build was taller than my height but not towering, darker hair. yet the feeling she had she didn’t even feel she would go to prom. I seen all of that.
With The teacher behind us we walked through the hall way like we were being escorted somewhere. Our best girlfriend joined and made small talk then asked about prom. Our answer was we would never be able to go anyway. We couldn’t get a dress. This is where I became aware of the teachers emotions also. She was alert to the conversation the girls were having yet they just kept talking as though she wasn’t there. She seemed ok they were talking but still displeased.
The friend said, but you have a boyfriend, our answer was yes my first boyfriend! (now I just want to halt here for a moment. I am a person I had my first boyfriend in preschool. I am not kidding his name was Jimmy and boys have been my poison apple!) So this emotion she was feeling it was not Tammy, it was this girl. I have never been in foster care. These things she was feeling I would not know how they felt if I was not feeling them from her.
Yet my emotions and feelings shifted to the teacher. As though I was hearing her prayers. What? First boyfriend as a senior? Not going to the prom? She has to go to Prom. It was as though this teacher seen the same movie real of this teens life I did and now I could feel her empathy toward this young lady. Her thoughts that were once on a punishment for moving in PE class now shifted to wanting to help.
Now as dreams go, the next thing I know I’m hovering over the 3 of them. It was as though the two girls were day dreaming over what they would wear to prom in a dress shop if they would go and the teacher was watching from a few Isles over and I could hear both conversations. The best friend was trying to bring up the spirit of her friend that even though Prom was coming and she may not be going she “had a boyfriend!” I could feel the shift in sadness to content even cheerful.
The teacher is where the struggle was felt the most. “should I buy the dress?” this is where I felt the most lost and confused in the entire dream. It was as tough she had so much emotion about it that it made me tearful.
I woke up.
So why is this dream even important. God says all things that matter to us matter to him.
Say there is a girl out there right now with this prayer for a Prom dress to attend one of our right of passages.
Say there is this teacher that has this student she is praying for, yet she does not know what to do.
Say I was given this very dream to tell them God hears their Prayers. I know my main job is to intercede in prayer for both parties even though I have never met them.
Even if today is a day after Prom or 20 years after said Prom and this was a timing thing to close a chapter. I don’t understand all things about my dreams just like it’s not my place to understand God’s timing.
What I do know is that many will question my sanity when reading this and I am ok with that. Just like a Pastor can know every verse in the bible and we will not know their relationship with God. I do not expect everyone to believe my Relationship with God. I am confident in his love and protection over me. I am still human and I will make mistakes. I am not anything other than me.
When I woke up from my nap after being shut down in Wyoming, I climbed out from the heated blanket, that soothed my painful legs. I grabbed my laptop and started to type the first words to write this blog and Interstate 80 opened back up.
“ ‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Acts 2:17 NIV https://acts.bible/acts-2-17
To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.1 Corinthians 12:8, 10 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/1co.12.8-10.NIV1 cor. 12: 8-10
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26 NIV https://romans.bible/romans-8-26
