Blog Series- Part 3- Believe- Mothers Day

Over the years Matthew has told me he feels that his story was my story. This was confusing to me. He was the one that went through all the surgeries, tests etc. It was his body that has the scars. The world tells us that seeing the scars is what makes us Believe what someone has went through.

I tried so hard to hide how scared I was. It doesn’t matter how much I Believe. The second the doctors would put him to sleep in my arms and I walked down the hall alone. The devil would start to scream in my ear! I would shut him down with an object I held in my hands. That small water globe.

I would hold it tight and pray. That Water Globe sat on Matthew’s incubator and was at most of his surgery’s and procedure’s over the years. The music box broke a few years ago, but we can sing the song. Out of tune but “we can sing”. We understand that it’s not the object, but what it represents “WE Believe!”

I think its important for us to understand this. I have heard other Christians tell someone they were crazy because they see Jesus in an object. This is a whole different blog, but for now remember it’s not that the person feels the object is Jesus or they idolize the object. For them it may have a tie to their faith like the day this Globe was bought for my son.

If this Globe broke, like part of it is, it doesn’t change that I Believe God will be with my son. It is a tangible reminder of a promise God made to me. a reminder of a bond between mother and daughter fighting for life not just my sons, but it tie’s me to her fight for life.

Will I be sad if I no longer have this item in my life,” yes!” Hear me say, it is not alive and it will not change what I Believe.

The walk to the waiting room where the rest of our family waits can seem like a scene from a scary movie where the hallway keeps getting longer. Other times it doesn’t seem long enough. There was a time that I just wanted to be alone. See the devil can use people to do his work and if you are not alert, he will go straight for your heart. When Matthew was 4 he had a large surgery. Words from a loved one were spoken that my current sin was to blame for the surgery, he was having .

Funny thing about the devil, nothing about my son’s condition had changed from the day he was born. I was hurt by the person that said the words. Not thinking they were just worried about my son and taking it out on a person they felt would love them no matter what they said.

If you have been this parent, you know the motions. You hold back the tears; you pull back the shoulders and keep your head high. You Persevere through things you know you did not have strength to go through without a higher power.

When they come out of surgery you focus on what you need to do to keep your child safe and comfortable. Then when time has passed, and the coast is clear the levy that has been holding the flood breaches and you find your smeared across the bathroom floor.

I share Matthew’s story with Parents when they get bad news about their children. I pray that with a ray of that sunshine that I carry with me. I pray they can hear God whisper to them. Through a prayer they can find hope when they didn’t have any. I pray that is what you find through our story.

I don’t know why my children were saved and other children go home. I don’t understand why my mother was taken from breast Cancer and someone else survives.

What I do understand is that when we hurt, so does our father. What I do understand is that because of Matthew, because of my mom, because of my other babies I know life is short and precious. I know that I don’t want to miss living.

God doesn’t make mistakes, While I was writing this series my Pastor did a Sermon Series called Live like you were dying. I had already written that I was going to share this, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how important it is. See Pastor talked about in our last days what we regret at the end of life.

People don’t say their jobs, money, material things. They don’t say they wished they would have spent more time playing a video game, on their phone or more time binge watching Netflix.

It is usually spending more time with family, they wish they would have forgiven someone, or even found someone.

The week that my mom passed she probably gave me her biggest lesson of her life. She told Pastor Brown that she regretted not talking about “Jesus” more. She was worried about our salvation. When we were little, she used to sing hymns and talk about the bible often. I am not sure where that stopped. What I do know is I seen that pattern in my own life.

On this Mother’s Day I want to honor my momma by giving the best gift I can. Her words. Let’s lead our children to Jesus.

My mom’s story, my story, my sons’ story. They have roots in a family tree that are intertwined they may look or sound different depending on the person telling the story. But in our Fathers eyes when he writes our story, they have one thing in common. HIS STORY.