Don’t give up on me! You may not know this but the many days I want to give up on me, you are what pulls me through.
The memory of our last laugh gives me something to hold onto in my dark days. The memory of our last cry reminds me that I am not alone in this fight. The hug that we shared may be the only time someone has touched my skin without searching for a vein.
You fill a part of my heart that no one else can fill. I give a part of me to you that only you can understand.
I know days go by and you are busy with life, I often sit alone and miss that life. Yet, I feel blessed and sorry for your busyness.
In brief moments I talk myself into reaching out, but then the reality of chronic illness rushes in and forms doubt.
What if I commit and must cancel? What if you want to do something that sounds great right now, but when the time comes I cannot do?
Then like the beautiful friend you are. You extend a blessing to help, maybe it’s to come do laundry, or bring a meal. I ask myself how it is this blessing can become a curse.
The words “you don’t have to do anything,” “I will just drop by and leave a meal.” or “I will come by and do some cleaning” is such a blessing to hear. How do I deserve a friend that wants to help? How dare I say no! That’s what friends do, if the tables were turned I pray, I would be as good a friend as you.
If you could read my mind you would hear these things.
- What you don’t understand is that I may be in so much pain just getting out of bed to unlock the door is too much.
- What you don’t understand is that I don’t schedule my illness. The time we set up for you to drop by, may be the time my body felt good enough to finally shower after not showering for days.
- What you don’t understand is that my body decided after not having a bowel movement in a week this was the moment it was going to happen and now, I have to hold it for a conversation. The opportunity may not present its self for many more days.
- What you don’t understand is that I suffer from insomnia, and just before it was time for you to stop by, I feel asleep.
- What you don’t understand is that as much as I want to see you and be with you It may be the first time in a month I am pain free and the stars align that I can be with my spouse.
- What you don’t understand is that I am so weak that I can barely form thoughts let alone words.
- What you don’t understand is that there are medications that I have that can help me through a long hard day, but these are medications I do not take daily. So, when you see me out in public I have prepared for this day. (it does not mean I am not suffering)
What is the hardest of all. Is the thought of you coming by and I can’t spend time with you! So, I will suffer through all the above! I will even show up with Love and a smile. Not because it is easy but because you are that important to me and I won’t give up on us!
So, Please don’t give up on me!
I look forward to our next Laugh, our next cry, and our next hug. Most of all Friend I look forward to standing by your side as you stand by ME!
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
